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LaceBug Adopt Raffle!
1 min read
Her art is gorgeous and so are these adopts ;u;
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Still watching? I'VE MOVED!
1 min read
A big thanks to anyone who is watching this account, but I moved accounts quite a long time ago!
Please visit me on my main account!
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MOVED
1 min read
Okay, guys... I've moved to a new account, and I've got a couple pieces of art uploaded, so I think it's acceptable to switch over to it now. XD
(I'll prettify it later. I don't have an avatar or anything!)
So, please check me out at Cupcake-Kitty-chan and direct all your faves and llamas thataway.
(I will be leaving this account up as it has a lot of old art that I want to keep, though still be somewhat separate from, and of course, because I've submitted it all to a million different groups and I don't want to redo all of that.)
Any requests/donation gifts I had will still be completed.
(I'll prettify it later. I don't have an avatar or anything!)
So, please check me out at Cupcake-Kitty-chan and direct all your faves and llamas thataway.
(I will be leaving this account up as it has a lot of old art that I want to keep, though still be somewhat separate from, and of course, because I've submitted it all to a million different groups and I don't want to redo all of that.)
Any requests/donation gifts I had will still be completed.
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I can't
2 min read
I left work after only two hours today. I was a wreck. Everything last night went wrong and everything this morning went wrong, and I spent the entire time during my travel to work holding back tears. Once I got to work, I couldn't hold them back anymore and spent nearly an hour crying.
Holly let me leave early. That's one pretty nice thing about having your dad's sorta-ex as a supervisor: she gets me. At least we're not as busy on Sundays, so serving won't be as bad for them as it could be.
My back's twisted, too.
I hate working weekends. I need to sleep, and then do something really fun, partly because lack of doing ANYTHING this summer (like swimming, or going to the beach, like I've been REALLY REALLY wanting to) is part of the reason I'm so upset, partly because it will cheer me up, and partly because the sun and exercise will allow me to fall asleep on time tonight (since I have to go back to work tomorrow).
Since most people don't care about my journals here (yes, I really am bitter about this), I need to get my blog set up A.S.A.P. I could use some more friends to talk to. I also need to mail back
because she asked me how I was a couple days ago and I haven't really felt like much human interaction until now. (Thank you for being so nice to me, Elaine.)
Holly let me leave early. That's one pretty nice thing about having your dad's sorta-ex as a supervisor: she gets me. At least we're not as busy on Sundays, so serving won't be as bad for them as it could be.
My back's twisted, too.
I hate working weekends. I need to sleep, and then do something really fun, partly because lack of doing ANYTHING this summer (like swimming, or going to the beach, like I've been REALLY REALLY wanting to) is part of the reason I'm so upset, partly because it will cheer me up, and partly because the sun and exercise will allow me to fall asleep on time tonight (since I have to go back to work tomorrow).
Since most people don't care about my journals here (yes, I really am bitter about this), I need to get my blog set up A.S.A.P. I could use some more friends to talk to. I also need to mail back
because she asked me how I was a couple days ago and I haven't really felt like much human interaction until now. (Thank you for being so nice to me, Elaine.)
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Devious Journal Entry
6 min read
NOTE: This is somewhat long. If you really don't want to read all of it, please just read the little note at the end. ♥
I cannot be creative. I have always been logical. I excelled in school with nary a thought, and it was easy, it was fun.
It became harder when I started taking a pottery class in my junior year of high school. Not so bad, since we were just beginning and the assignments didn't leave too much room for creativity beyond which color(s) of glaze you wanted to use, but just enough to leave me dissatisfied. In my senior year, when I did AP (advanced placement) everything (I'd done Running Start the last two years of high school, too; that is, I participated in community college classes for dual credit), I also did Studio Art. I did pottery. I was okay with hand-building, but what I really wanted to do was make bowls and plates on the wheel.
God, I had to try so hard, and it still never came out right. I loved the feel of the wet clay gliding under my hands, and it was amazing how I could make beautiful and amazing shapes in mere moments right before my very eyes. It was immensely gratifying.
When it worked. Most of my attempts either ended up with me basically having the instructor start the project for me (the beginning was always the most difficult) or me holding back tears of frustration and disappointment.
I get the same feeling when I try to make art to submit here. I have to beat my brain into trying to be creative. It fails. Waiting for inspiration doesn't work, either; even on the very rare chance that I actually think of something to draw, my completed art turns out like utter shit. I can't stand it. Practice makes perfect, does it? I spent five years working on a website of mine, and my work hardly improved. There are some skills that I just can't seem to gain — such as adding details so it's not too plain, and coming up with ideas in the first place — and every time I get optimistic about a project, I realize a couple hours into it just how futile it was.
At this point, I usually start pitying myself on the phone to Jesse, sobbing about how shitty it is and how I can't do what I want and I'll never be able to and I'm inadequate and a failure.
This, by the way, is why I don't really ever submit anything to dA.
I can't draw:
-People
**Poses
**Expressions
**Faces that aren't chubby
-Quadrupeds
**I can't make the bodies not fat. I can't figure out how to connect the head and legs to the body, nor how to draw the legs so they aren't fat stumps that are awkwardly splayed.
-Backgrounds of any time, especially trees
I also have never had a set art style. I want to be able to draw in a million different styles! The style that's actually easiest (comparatively) for me is carissaraptor.deviantart.com/a…, mainly because of the shading. I felt lately, though, that I should migrate to a style more like fav.me/d40neeo, partly because I favored it at the time and partly because I've noticed that overall, it's much more popular to visitors. I've gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback on Rielle (which is very nice, and I appreciate), but not a single comment on the one of Laeliene. I'm pretty proud of the one of Laeliene, so that was disappointing. Therefore, I feel like I 'need' to draw in the other style.
Now, I'm not saying all of this because I want you all to feel like you have to give me pity comments and fake praise. Say whatever you like, as long as it's not mean, or say nothing at all; whichever you prefer. ♥ I just wanted to explain why I never upload art, and perhaps receive some hopeful responses (though I'm pretty sure only two people read my journals. Honestly, I get upset by that, because, I'm going to honestly admit, I NEED ATTENTION. I sincerely did not get enough as a child. I'm not some attention whore, and I'm actually really shy, but being completely ignored bothers me. ;_;
Now, on to a moderately happier subject: Jesse and I getting our own place. We'd originally planned for December. Then we bumped it up to the end of the summer (the beginning of September), and there it's stayed. Yet over the last couple days, Jesse's been saying that he kind of wants to push it back another month. His mom wants him to stay until December (which he won't do). Yet she also is going to increase his rent from $200 to $325 if he stays beyond the end of August (even though he does all the chores and other crap around the house that his freeloader brother who has no job and is out of school and is a pothead with unlimited free time refuses to do because he's an utter asshole most of the time). I want him to be with me *now*; I don't really have too much to gain from staying at home any longer, and I want us to have our own place together so badly that it hurts. ♥ Even though I was exhausted last night, I was kept up for an hour thinking about it, and it really did hurt, which was a new sensation to me. We're checking out some promising apartments that are within walking distance of work on Monday, but I'm still not really sure what his stance on 'when' is... I don't know if he knows, either.
TL;DR: Because I've always been left-brained, I have to push myself extremely hard to produce any spark of creativity to produce art. It usually fails, despite years of practice, and I always end up frustrated and crying about how shitty my art is and being upset that I can't do what I want to in life. In other news, Jesse and I want to get a place together, but he might want to push it back to a little later and I think it's making me feel insecure. :c
P.S. I would like to add that I think that the finished art that I upload here looks pretty cute. What's frustrating are the dozens of started (and failed) projects scattered around my computer. I am very grateful to my watchers, and people who fave and compliment. Thank you very much. ♥ Those don't make me feel better about my failed art, though, hence the frustration.
I cannot be creative. I have always been logical. I excelled in school with nary a thought, and it was easy, it was fun.
It became harder when I started taking a pottery class in my junior year of high school. Not so bad, since we were just beginning and the assignments didn't leave too much room for creativity beyond which color(s) of glaze you wanted to use, but just enough to leave me dissatisfied. In my senior year, when I did AP (advanced placement) everything (I'd done Running Start the last two years of high school, too; that is, I participated in community college classes for dual credit), I also did Studio Art. I did pottery. I was okay with hand-building, but what I really wanted to do was make bowls and plates on the wheel.
God, I had to try so hard, and it still never came out right. I loved the feel of the wet clay gliding under my hands, and it was amazing how I could make beautiful and amazing shapes in mere moments right before my very eyes. It was immensely gratifying.
When it worked. Most of my attempts either ended up with me basically having the instructor start the project for me (the beginning was always the most difficult) or me holding back tears of frustration and disappointment.
I get the same feeling when I try to make art to submit here. I have to beat my brain into trying to be creative. It fails. Waiting for inspiration doesn't work, either; even on the very rare chance that I actually think of something to draw, my completed art turns out like utter shit. I can't stand it. Practice makes perfect, does it? I spent five years working on a website of mine, and my work hardly improved. There are some skills that I just can't seem to gain — such as adding details so it's not too plain, and coming up with ideas in the first place — and every time I get optimistic about a project, I realize a couple hours into it just how futile it was.
At this point, I usually start pitying myself on the phone to Jesse, sobbing about how shitty it is and how I can't do what I want and I'll never be able to and I'm inadequate and a failure.
This, by the way, is why I don't really ever submit anything to dA.
I can't draw:
-People
**Poses
**Expressions
**Faces that aren't chubby
-Quadrupeds
**I can't make the bodies not fat. I can't figure out how to connect the head and legs to the body, nor how to draw the legs so they aren't fat stumps that are awkwardly splayed.
-Backgrounds of any time, especially trees
I also have never had a set art style. I want to be able to draw in a million different styles! The style that's actually easiest (comparatively) for me is carissaraptor.deviantart.com/a…, mainly because of the shading. I felt lately, though, that I should migrate to a style more like fav.me/d40neeo, partly because I favored it at the time and partly because I've noticed that overall, it's much more popular to visitors. I've gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback on Rielle (which is very nice, and I appreciate), but not a single comment on the one of Laeliene. I'm pretty proud of the one of Laeliene, so that was disappointing. Therefore, I feel like I 'need' to draw in the other style.
Now, I'm not saying all of this because I want you all to feel like you have to give me pity comments and fake praise. Say whatever you like, as long as it's not mean, or say nothing at all; whichever you prefer. ♥ I just wanted to explain why I never upload art, and perhaps receive some hopeful responses (though I'm pretty sure only two people read my journals. Honestly, I get upset by that, because, I'm going to honestly admit, I NEED ATTENTION. I sincerely did not get enough as a child. I'm not some attention whore, and I'm actually really shy, but being completely ignored bothers me. ;_;
Now, on to a moderately happier subject: Jesse and I getting our own place. We'd originally planned for December. Then we bumped it up to the end of the summer (the beginning of September), and there it's stayed. Yet over the last couple days, Jesse's been saying that he kind of wants to push it back another month. His mom wants him to stay until December (which he won't do). Yet she also is going to increase his rent from $200 to $325 if he stays beyond the end of August (even though he does all the chores and other crap around the house that his freeloader brother who has no job and is out of school and is a pothead with unlimited free time refuses to do because he's an utter asshole most of the time). I want him to be with me *now*; I don't really have too much to gain from staying at home any longer, and I want us to have our own place together so badly that it hurts. ♥ Even though I was exhausted last night, I was kept up for an hour thinking about it, and it really did hurt, which was a new sensation to me. We're checking out some promising apartments that are within walking distance of work on Monday, but I'm still not really sure what his stance on 'when' is... I don't know if he knows, either.
TL;DR: Because I've always been left-brained, I have to push myself extremely hard to produce any spark of creativity to produce art. It usually fails, despite years of practice, and I always end up frustrated and crying about how shitty my art is and being upset that I can't do what I want to in life. In other news, Jesse and I want to get a place together, but he might want to push it back to a little later and I think it's making me feel insecure. :c
P.S. I would like to add that I think that the finished art that I upload here looks pretty cute. What's frustrating are the dozens of started (and failed) projects scattered around my computer. I am very grateful to my watchers, and people who fave and compliment. Thank you very much. ♥ Those don't make me feel better about my failed art, though, hence the frustration.
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